Here's Johnny

I used to work with this other lady who was mental. By mental, I mean she was probably a day’s meds away from really hurting someone. Best practices for mental co-workers.

1. Look them straight in the eye. A stapler or other heavy office supply can be a deadly tool in the hands of someone like this.
2. No matter what they say, no matter how odd or dangerous, act as though everything is normal.
3. Offer up handy suggestions that may temporarily stun them so you can escape.

Case in point: This girl, I’ll describe her as a short version of Elvira, was always talking smack about her boyfriend or her fight with him or a fight with someone who had just talked to her boyfriend.
I noticed a tattoo on short Elvira’s arm that was majorly messed up. It looked like someone had grafted skin over skin just to cover this thing up.

Now remember what I said about step two, no matter what they say.

She told me that the tattoo said “Johnny,” her ex boyfriend. The day they broke up she took a hot iron and burned his name clear off. Quickly honing in on an advanced combo of step 1 & step 3, I looked her in the eyes and asked her, “Why didn’t you just find another boyfriend named Johnny?” That was my chance. She starred into oblivion thoroughly stunned. I grabbed my stapler and bolted for the door.